She ran up to him that night, eyes shining like water droplets on a crystal morning .He remembered the click on her heels on the cold wet pavement, the sound of anticipation that rocketed the beat of his heart. the sound of clear hope.And most importantly..that beautiful whisper of a voice.He 'd always loved her voice , it had the quality of attraction like the music of thought..but it spoke of some mystery that pulled him closer to her .And his wide eyes looked deeply into her, their minds connected and intertwined within one another.
And perhaps because of that, he also felt a heaviness in the air around them, a creature veiled in black waited with his claws fiddling with their future as he had fiddled with their past.
Her eyes looked straight into his, and he read everything he needed to know.And she spoke softly and sincerely as only she could speak.
."when you said that i should take a chance..."
she was breathless, struggling to get the words out even though they were chained to her throat.
" ....i did it for you.And you told me so much more than i could even begin to understand"
"why did call me now...whatever you need to say , dont hold back "
he couldnt beleive how strong his voice sounded at that moment, a strenght grew from trust and other things he was too scared to think about.A wavering sense of strenght he could not place within himself for too long.
He could feel parts of his mind crumbling with every breath,
She looked down , and mumbled softly, hoping her words would hurt less if they were lost in the air.
" i'm leaving for Moscow tomorrow, every things been arranged.I'm sure you understand."
She was scared , he always sensed it from the way she stopped moving, and that lost look in her eye...but he also realized that it wasn't Dylan she was trying to run away from.The air seemed heavy with all that was unsaid between, weighing down other matters conveniently avoided.
That was the moment he would remember for the longest time but not the one he'd hoped for.The moment of anticipation and decision..
" How can you this ? I know what has been happening between the government and your family.The men in power are known to me as well.And i have my doubts about Dylan as well.You realize evrything could fall apart any day all this is out.What will you then ? Running away from me is not going change anything significant.We are insignificant to the bigger plans that unfortunately were weaved around us.You know all this ...and i've seen you with him .You will never mean anything to each other .He doesn't really even know what your like!"
That shocked him for a second, for the first time he questioned the possibility of any real truth in their relationship.Could it be possible that he was falling in love with painted lips and pretense ?
"and what if that touch was nothing more than the cold feel of retreat? I cant tell you everything.A part of me doesn't even understand all this...I dont know why i do the things i do or why i make the same mistakes over and over again.maybe i dont really even know what mistakes are.......all i know right now is ..i'm sorry"
and that was it .Truth is,She never told him anything .Of all the hours they spent talking about everything in their lives,She never told him what mattered the most, what could change everything between them.She never told him all that she was trying to hide from herself.
The last time he'd seen her was only a memory.A childhood fantasy was all she was meant be.
He had always wondered what real goodbyes would feel like.Losing her was something he knew he'd have face but somehow he never imagined the pain that would accompany his loss.He had never missed anyone his entire life,so he took time to recognize loss .I remember how for months later he'd felt like a man who always in want of something but could never find or even understand it .His mind kept running away from the truth and all thoughts of her but that didn't change the feeling of loss he felt in every inch of his body.She was a part of his life..for however small the time she was the first to touch him in a away no one else ever had .
But he reasoned that when your young , everything superficial is amplified in your head and you feel things you could not otherwise.Right and wrong no longer matter to you, and you dont even understand the real idea behind all this.Most of the time, being naive we live on a moment,A smile or a memory you cant wipe away from a little canvas in your head. But she was part of a past and all he felt was inconsequential within the big picture.The plans that skyrocketed into action several years later were already in place at that time .Somehow.. though he knew, she was responsible for everything....at that point of time he simply didn't care.
...............................................................................................................
3 years later...
page 107 ,
May 17th
1879
Prison
I'm going to lock myself up and stop talking to these walls.Once the world goes back to the way it was and and i can see straight, i'm going to find them and my book.I'm giving myself another three days in this room , cut off from the rest of the world...and then i'm free.
And perhaps because of that, he also felt a heaviness in the air around them, a creature veiled in black waited with his claws fiddling with their future as he had fiddled with their past.
Her eyes looked straight into his, and he read everything he needed to know.And she spoke softly and sincerely as only she could speak.
."when you said that i should take a chance..."
she was breathless, struggling to get the words out even though they were chained to her throat.
" ....i did it for you.And you told me so much more than i could even begin to understand"
"why did call me now...whatever you need to say , dont hold back "
he couldnt beleive how strong his voice sounded at that moment, a strenght grew from trust and other things he was too scared to think about.A wavering sense of strenght he could not place within himself for too long.
He could feel parts of his mind crumbling with every breath,
She looked down , and mumbled softly, hoping her words would hurt less if they were lost in the air.
" i'm leaving for Moscow tomorrow, every things been arranged.I'm sure you understand."
She was scared , he always sensed it from the way she stopped moving, and that lost look in her eye...but he also realized that it wasn't Dylan she was trying to run away from.The air seemed heavy with all that was unsaid between, weighing down other matters conveniently avoided.
That was the moment he would remember for the longest time but not the one he'd hoped for.The moment of anticipation and decision..
" How can you this ? I know what has been happening between the government and your family.The men in power are known to me as well.And i have my doubts about Dylan as well.You realize evrything could fall apart any day all this is out.What will you then ? Running away from me is not going change anything significant.We are insignificant to the bigger plans that unfortunately were weaved around us.You know all this ...and i've seen you with him .You will never mean anything to each other .He doesn't really even know what your like!"
" How do you know what i'm like then? how do you know what people are like? you think you can just watch me , spent a whole year with me and understand who i am ?"
That shocked him for a second, for the first time he questioned the possibility of any real truth in their relationship.Could it be possible that he was falling in love with painted lips and pretense ?
" Where is this coming from?. i dont know what you are like or can be .But what i do know is that i'm blissfully ignorant, and i love being that way. I'm not in a hurry to find out what every single speck of what this world is made of. But i love that moment of realization, when the truth undresses herself and you finally know the touch of real skin feels like.So i believe we should take a chance "
"and what if that touch was nothing more than the cold feel of retreat? I cant tell you everything.A part of me doesn't even understand all this...I dont know why i do the things i do or why i make the same mistakes over and over again.maybe i dont really even know what mistakes are.......all i know right now is ..i'm sorry"
and that was it .Truth is,She never told him anything .Of all the hours they spent talking about everything in their lives,She never told him what mattered the most, what could change everything between them.She never told him all that she was trying to hide from herself.
The last time he'd seen her was only a memory.A childhood fantasy was all she was meant be.
He had always wondered what real goodbyes would feel like.Losing her was something he knew he'd have face but somehow he never imagined the pain that would accompany his loss.He had never missed anyone his entire life,so he took time to recognize loss .I remember how for months later he'd felt like a man who always in want of something but could never find or even understand it .His mind kept running away from the truth and all thoughts of her but that didn't change the feeling of loss he felt in every inch of his body.She was a part of his life..for however small the time she was the first to touch him in a away no one else ever had .
But he reasoned that when your young , everything superficial is amplified in your head and you feel things you could not otherwise.Right and wrong no longer matter to you, and you dont even understand the real idea behind all this.Most of the time, being naive we live on a moment,A smile or a memory you cant wipe away from a little canvas in your head. But she was part of a past and all he felt was inconsequential within the big picture.The plans that skyrocketed into action several years later were already in place at that time .Somehow.. though he knew, she was responsible for everything....at that point of time he simply didn't care.
Two weeks later he visited the office of Harvard and ran into the very officials he had been trying to avoid.They filled him in on the the university's role and that of his family in the plans that the government has been trying to hide beneath all the politics on a platter.They needed him back on the research team.Dylan was exiled from the project , and in utmost secrecy , been asked to leave the country.
The very same project that has been debated for the past two decades had finally gone beyond sheets and blackboard theorums.The groups of experts were ready to build and put their scheme into action.Perhaps he was only a small part of this, used more so because of his political family background and power rather than any reall skill or creative intellect but after all that happened between Dylan and her...he was determined to do something more meaningful in his life.
He signed his name back into the project and was asked to join two months later.He never realized that sometimes the moments that matter pass you by in an invisible cloak.That evening at the study, he waited with his signature in dark ink on all the legal documents...he never felt any of the anticipation and excitement she had stirred in him...but what he didn't realize was that very moment he had just signed his way into a future he could never look back upon.He never realized that from then on , He was one man against the world.
...............................................................................................................
3 years later...
page 107 ,
May 17th
1879
Prison
I know something is wrong with me.Everything suddenly seems blurred.I cant think straight.I'm frustratred , i cant keep still ,everything around me moves constantly like molecules withing a boilng volcano.Is this a state mind or poison?My heartbeat is nervous and jittery, myfingers ice cold and i feel like crying my eyes out.I want to Scream out of my lungs but they dont have the air within them to echo the sound i feel inside me.
But what is this feeling ?...it seems like this strange sickness is crawling up my spine and slowly devouring my insides.My eyes are still watery and warm, everything is still a blur .And i've been this way for the past two days.
I cant cant quite place my last memory of her..or anyone for that matter.I didn't know what she was upto..
I'm going to lock myself up and stop talking to these walls.Once the world goes back to the way it was and and i can see straight, i'm going to find them and my book.I'm giving myself another three days in this room , cut off from the rest of the world...and then i'm free.
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